Professor Ford, from the poster

Professor Ford was Van Helsinki's long time colleague and the assistant of him and then of Inspector Someone-Who-Is-Not-David-Bowie.

Early CareerEdit

During Van's flashback in the original script, it was revealed that Professor Ford was Van Helsinki's assistant during his time working for the police force. She accompanied Helsinki to Løren's house , and watched as Geoff Vampire killed Mr. Løren. She either participated in or watched the ensuing shootout which ended with Esmé, Løren's wife, dead, and no sign of either Geoff or Fay, Løren's daughter. Ford, along with Van, refused to explain anything to the Inspector when he arrived, though her motives remain unclear. Probably she was trying to protect Van, assuming it was him who killed Esmé. She attempted to intercede for Van when the Inspector wanted to banish him, but was shouted down by Someone-Who-Is-Not-David-Bowie.

The InvestigationEdit

Professor Ford first appears on screen along with the Inspector when Helsinki is sent into the village. She breaks up an argument which immediately breaks out between the two men, and then gives Helsinki the photographs and evidence about the village. Ford has a private chat with Van when she tries to tell him 'not to make it personal' becasue she knows his history with Geoff. Van nearly invites her out 'after it's all over', but stops at the last moment, and Ford is left to close his car boot, which he has forgotten to do.


Ford and the Inspector watch over Van

The ObservationEdit

Ford stays to watch Van in the village, with the Inspector offering her various biscuits and them both commenting on the situation. They disappear after Van escapes from the brainwashing, so it is uncertain as to whether they saw him shoot Fay and kill Geoff. They are never seen again, leading to the possiblilty that they do not know what happened to Van and Geoff, and thus have a dead body (Fay's) to deal with, and no witnesses.


Behind the scenes and triviaEdit

  • Professor Ford was played by Katie Edge in the film.
  • The original ending had Ford have a much happier final scene, with her and Van Helsinki going for a drink together. This was cut as 'too happy and settled an ending' for him, so her ultimate fate remains unknown
  • The original script played a little more on the romantic tension between Ford and Van Helsinki, but the later versions cut much of it.
  • Despite being referred to in the script and film as 'Professor Ford', Ford is not actually a Professor as she clearly states. Quite why Van refers to her as one is never explained.
  • The concept of a 'Professor Ford' as the sidekick of the hero probably makes Ford the earliest created character in the film, as this facet of the character predates Van Helsinki entirely, with two other Professor Ford's appearing in other work by the director and some of the cast. The original two Fords were both male, had no romantic intentions towards the hero, and were named after Harrison Ford, whom the main hero resembled.
  • According to several pieces of Vanfiction, Ford's first name is Jenny.