For the character Geoff Vampire, see Geoff (character).

Vampires are apparently a species of being native to the galaxy of Stevenage (thus making them also 'aliens'). Only one example of their species is ever seen, Geoff Vampire. It is unknown whether all Vampires are called 'Vampire', or just him, or whether he took the name when on Earth as a kind of joke.


Vampires (or at least Geoff) display the following characteristics:

  • Ability to 'poof', that is, to perform teleportation accompanied by red smoke.
  • Resistant to bullets (Geoff survives five .45 ACP rounds at close range with no effect other than a slight flinch).
  • Ability to change the weather conditions (definitely turning the sky red, and Word of St. Paul says the rain was him too).
  • Resistance to physical damage (Geoff survives golf clubs).
  • Abilty and taste for blood (certainly human blood).
  • Mind control (although how much is this, and how much the machine in Geoff's lair, is unknown).
  • Fangs (although these disappear according to the power of the vampire, see here for more details).
  • Weakness to stakes (although most living things die if you punch a stake into their ribcage, so perhaps not so unique).
  • Ability to pass on damage resistance to those who they bite (as seen in the cases of Man, Jim and Woman).


Vampires are apparently common knowledge on the planet, as Man and Jim do not instantly reject the possiblity that Geoff is a Vampire, and everyone barring Fay seems to know that Earth vampires (lowercase) do not exist, yet they are fine with the idea of Geoff being an alien (except Svetlana). This means it is likely that either the tales of vampires originated from Vampires (Word of St. Paul goes with this) or whether the two are entirely unconnected.


Vampires seem to be weak to stakes. Normally, this would be dismissed as 'part of the myth', but seeing as Geoff is explicitly not a vampire but an alien, some explanation is required. The fact that Fay (who doesn't know about Vampires and thinks Geoff is a vampire) brings along a stake is acceptable, but that Van Helsinki, who has devoted his life to hunting Geoff, feels that a stake is the best method means that there must be a reason for doing it. Word of St. Paul says this:

"Geoff is both an alien and a Vampire (note the capital). Tales of vampires in Earth mythology were based off sightings of Vampires. The stake being effective where bullets are not is simply because wood and a Vampires hard, bullet-proof skin do not mix, forming a violent chemical reaction which decays the skin and allows the stake to penetrate it, skewering the Vampire underneath. Hence the need for stakes in Vampire slaying. Van Helsinki, trained in the arts by masters unknown, knew this, and so had brought several stakes along for Geoff. Interestingly, some older methods of steel forging could simply slide through the skin at certain angles, making them cleaner but more difficult methods of killing Vampires. This is why vampires were meant to be weak to sliver (along with werewolves and supernatural creatues generally) and one reason why Geoff feels the need to 'poof' when Svetlana threatens him with the swords, instead of, say, defeating Svetlana himself after his pawns have tired her somewhat."

--'Paul Reynolds,' official Vampireologist and Van Helsinki's actor.


Behind the scenes and triviaEdit

  • The Vampire/alien, as mentioned in the script, is a Rocky Horror Picture Show reference.