God alone knows.

Plot holes/ 'why-moments' I can see, and their answers, straight from the mouth of the Plot Hole Cover Up Man (me):

  • When/how did Svetlana train with the swords/ know how to use swords? She only got them in the basement scene, yet she wields them as a professional..-'It is symbolic of her mental refining from the frightened, confused woman in the opening scene to the skilled warrior shown in her last scene. Her line 'Oh believe me, I know' is because she WAS trained, but the circumstances of the training are as yet unknown. You'll note that she never gets to use the whisk, so she might have been simply surpised by Geoff that time.
  • Why did Van Helsinki shoot Fay?-Because he was crazed at the two near misses with Geoff and the brain washing didn't help. Also because he felt that Fay was a loose end whe could ill-afford to deal with, he was concerned about her reaction if she found out he had killed her mother, and she was at least his equal in gunfighting and far better in hand to hand combat (on a dubious canon note, Van Helsinki: Mind of Madness provides an explanation of sorts).
  • Where do Van Helsinki's multiple appearing and disappearing guns/stakes come from?-They are (appearing ones) picked up from the bodies of (off-screen) dead or crazed cops who went in before the film or (disappearing) used up in duels against enemies (like the tumbleweed).
  • Why do the blood splatters change?-Mostly this is due to either Geoff drinking it or it being reabsorbed as the body regenerates from being 'killed'.
  • Why did Geoff turn up at Man and Woman's house at all?-He created the unnatural rain (see how it only falls when it needs too-because it takes Geoff effort to make it fall) and then knew that Svetlana (who he thought was Fay) would go to the nearest shelter-which was the house.
  • Where did Van Helsinki get the second stake from?-He has reserves.
  • The duck? Just, the duck.-The Duck won at the fair was actually alive. It followed Geoff, who it saw as it's rightful owner, across the land, hoping to join with him, but constantly being mistaken and failing. With Geoff's death, it seems that the duck will never be truly reunited.
  • WTF was Abraham Lincoln doing there? At all?-His was a case of mistaken identity. Geoff had been wearing an Abraham Lincoln mask to confuse and mentally torment one of the cops, this picture was the natural result.
  • Why do Geoff's cape and teeth disappear in the later scenes?-Geoff took off his cape (offscreen), put it back on, and then took it off after the scene with Man. The removal was to help any action he needed to perform, and the on was because he thought it looked cool and he gave into the coolness factor. The teeth are a more complicated story, but basically as Geoff's power waned, his appearance also deteriorated, hence the loss of the fangs in the churchyard scene.
  • Why is Geoff weak to stakes if he is not a vampire, but actually an alien?-Most living things, regardless of vampiric nature or lack thereof, are weak to stakes being punched through their ribcage. See here for more details.
  • Why are some random shoes in the background of one of the pictures of Van and Geoff?-They were a sign of a previous showdown between a man and his evil garden hoe which had turned malevolant due to Geoff's malingering presence in the area....incidentally, the hoe appears onscreen earlier, wielded by Fay.
  • What exactly happened during the Loren Case?-The details are mostly unknown, but the most likely explanation (supported by some Word of God and a lot of Word of St. Paul) is that Geoff killed Mr Loren, was then badly stabbed by Esme, and then teleported when Van opened fire. Esme was then shot by Van by accident.